We all joke about finally getting together and meeting face to face, but is there anyone local to Philly who would actually like to form a stepparents' support group? Well, here's our chance - I came across this today:

I'm beginning to wonder why we ever decided to move to be closer to SD. BM's parental alienation is just too much for me to take anymore. I guess I used to be able to handle it better before when I thought that it wasn't actually working on SD. But now, I don't know, I'm so discouraged, disheartened, hopeless. I really don't think that we'll be able to continue having a meaningful relationship with SD. It's so sad and scary - she's turning into a mini-version of her mother which is my *worst* nightmare.

We've got an offer on our house and the buyer wants to settle in 3 weeks! After 8 long months, we're finally going to sell our place and move closer to SD! Hooray hooray hooray! Now let's get ready for WWIII when BM finds out...

For those of you who know my story, I bet you never thought you'd see this title on my blog, as SD and I have always had a very close and loving relationship. But Friday night I lost it and misdirected my anger and frustration onto her. It wasn't pretty. I hope I've been able to undo any damage. Let me back up a little and explain what happened.

Ok, so we're planning to move to be closer to SD, right? Well, you'd think we were putting SD in grave danger by BM's reaction to this. She is basically threatening to pick up and move SD far away if we move to a) her town or b) the neighboring town she lives right next to. Oh, like she can forbid us to move to a specific zip code or two? PLEASE! I am so fed up with this BS!

I miss you, my StepTalk friends! So much has happened these past few months and I have barely had time to come up for air. I've been dying to update you, but it seems that once I get a moment to myself, all I want to do is sleep! What can I say? I have a 6-week-old baby who keeps me up all night and a 2-year-old who keeps me busy all day! Not to mention I just started a new job, albeit part-time, because I lost my old one when I was 9 months pregnant! (That's a whole other story right there that I won't even bother getting into, but just know that the whole ordeal has been extremely stressful!)

And she's a little strawberry-banana! That is, she's jaundiced, but she's on the mend now. She had in-home photo therapy all last week and she's finally thriving, but it was a little scary for a while because she lost a whole pound and she was severely dehydrated while we were waiting for my milk to come in. She's gaining weight again and the doctors and nurses took excellent care of her, so all's well now. Anyway, I think I've sat down to update you guys about 13 times since she was born, but I've been interrupted each and every time by someone who needed something, so I'm sorry for the long wait!!

The lawyer that my fiance met with a few weeks ago got back to him after consulting with her "superstars" in the custody field. Given that we can't afford a lawyer at a minimum cost of $10k, she recommended that we pursue custody on our own! She said we have a rock solid case and there are free legal services at the local universities that can help us wade through it all. She said that money (or lack thereof) does not have to stop us from saving SD. So there's hope! We're looking into what the universities offer and going from there.

We finally found a lawyer! There is some good, some bad and some terribly ugly, but the positive thing is that we found the woman for the job.

She said that finalizing the divorce will be cake. Easy and quick. BM and her lawyer have refused to cooperate with my fiance, but they can't refuse to cooperate with her and she'll move it so fast their heads will spin. (She was a bit annoyed that this has been going on for 4+ years.) As it turns out, there is literally NOTHING left to do but file the precipe to close the case because this supposed "property settlement" that BM and her lawyer have been alluding to for years is non-existant! Neither BM nor BF own any damn property and, according to them, the debt to BM's father is a personal loan to BF and therefore has NOTHING to do with the divorce or property settlement. We've sort of thought all along that this property settlement was dealing with their marital debt to BM's father, but they claim it's all on him and he'll just agree and say "yep, it's 100% my debt" and then turn around the day the divorce is final and file for bankruptcy and his slate will be wiped clean.

I don't have a whole lot to report from tonight's family based therapy session because I haven't discussed it in any detail with my fiance yet, but he is very happy to report that the meeting was hugely successful. He said that SD was her usual loving self with him and they talked at length... until BM was called into the session. As soon as she entered the room, SD reverted back to last week's strange behavior, ie not talking, sharing repeated glances with her mother, looking very uncomfortable. I'm just glad the therapists are witnessing this.

Ok, so SD is having a nervous breakdown and refusing to speak to or see her dad and BM is keeping her holed up in their apartment, not going to school, not going to her extracurricular activities, just wallowing in the dark and freaking out and staying up till all hours of the night together, but instead of despairing I am going to focus on the good things going on. Like, even though this is terribly traumatic for SD right now, at least BM is misbehaving in front of the family therapists and SD's psychiatrist so they can witness first-hand what is going on and be there to help SD and perhaps get the ball rolling on us pursuing custody. I am so very sorry that SD has to suffer, but BM is only helping our case.

Long story as short as possible, SD refused to speak at the Family Based therapy appointment last night and was sullen and withdrawn and when she wasn't staring at the floor, she was sharing lots of looks with BM and then glaring at BF. After BF talked a little about how he wasn't happy that BM hadn't informed him of SD's anxiety attacks and resulting 2 days out of school the other week, one of the therapists asked if SD wanted to talk now. SD and BM had another spate of looks and the therapist asked if SD should maybe express her own thoughts and not look to her mom for hers. (Good call!) BM was silent. So was SD.

Over the weekend, SD brought up her birthday, which is coming up in 2 months. I was very proud of her for a) bringing it up with us at all and b) bringing it up so far in advance because up until now the way things have worked is that BM and SD discuss something and BM presents what they decided, thus either running our household from afar or making us out to be the villains when we can't or won't go by what they're demanding of us.

Yes, BM has been avoiding therapy ever since last month when the Family Based Therapy team said that they wanted to start meeting with BM, BF and SD all together. She said that SD's schedule was just "really busy". The therapists just think BM's avoiding facing the music. They met at the FBT office instead of in the home. I guess they want it to be on neutral territory from now on? Here's a brief (ok, long!) synopsis from BF.

This month has been super busy for me so I haven't been able to keep up with StepTalk at all and I miss you guys! Thanks to all who have sent me private messages, it just warms my heart to know you're thinking of me. You are also in my thoughts, especially on Mother's Day.