I like to check in here every once in a while, although for a while there, it was all the time ... funny how things work out like that.
DH and I are still generally apart but he goes back to the states next month. I can't wait because the children will be back in our "control". Not that they are little variables in an experiment or anything ....

Yesterday was Mother's Day. First off I would like to say to anyone who reads this ... even if you don't have a good relationship with your mother, it is worth celebrating the impact they have on us. They are somewhat responsible for who we are today - whether a stepmother, guardian or birth mother or even a teacher who plays a mother's role ... Happy Mother's Day to you all.

So my husband and I were discussing our next assignment, trying to make sure it is together. Thought we were good when we decided to both get stationed overseas . Thought it wouldn't be an issue with the boys as my husband has full custody and she has visitation.

Alrighty. I come here when I am going to crack. I cannot control much back home especially with the skids. So venting is about the only thing I can do.
Both the boys are eating poptarts for breakfast every morning, with super sugary orange juice. That is it. I mean no fruit or anything. Straight junk.

As if to remind me that we are gone from home etc, a herd of camels came through our camp this morning. They moseyed along like it was totally normal.
I took pictures for the boys but there was also a sandstorm so they probably won't see anything. I sent them a map last week. It already arrived. Go figure. Packages get there so fast. MIL said they love the maps. Boys are funny.

I hate to constantly be so negative but geez ...
SS8 sent me a letter. I was happy to get something from him because he can be so ... not sweet sometimes. I mean I was totally stoked!
But I opened the letter to expect something nice and got "Mom says you shouldn't write me letters because I am not your son. That means stop writing me."

I am so fed up. I feel powerless. I mean, work is rough here but I like my job so it is worth it but I cannot arrange times to talk to the boys or DH. Just because his job is really sham does not mean mine is! I am so annoyed that he is making demands and nagging me. He doesn't understand. I am turning off my emotions so I do not feel pain and he doesn't get it.

It is hilarious what boys find interesting and how they respond. I wrote the boys letters and guess what? They wrote back! The mail service is surprisingly quick. Last time I was over on this side of the planet, it took two months to get mail.

So DH and I have figured out how to talk to each other whenever the satellites aren't acting up. But arranging a time to talk to the skids is killer. So I did the letters thing as in the previous blog entry.

What do I write to the boys in a letter? I want to write individual letters for each of them but they are different ages and so I have no idea. I also do not want to patronize them.
Or is this all just a waste of time? I mean, they used to like when I wrote notes and put them in their lunch. Is this just going to hurt more than help?

I haven't called home since I got here because it is a logistical nightmare plus I hate when you try to call and then you get voicemail or answering machines. That is the worst because you hear the voice of the person you love but it is a recording so it is so empty you know?

First off, thank you for your support. I really thought I was going to be gone from here for awhile but thank goodness for modern marvels (like satellites). And yes, I already have to vent. Which I shall explain ...

I am leaving so I won't be visiting nor venting for awhile. In such a short time, this website has helped me find some form of peace and understanding.

Still, I have some serious worries. Not the job, oddly enough. I have concluded that school and work will have to go hand in hand and can only pray the boys are strong enough to deal with daycare instead of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches right after school. My husband is a strong person. I am sure he will figure it out.

Got off the phone with SS6 today. He is doing good. Chipper as usual. Using the iPOD Nano we got him because he LOVES the photos. He said "Mom wants to take the pictures off but can't figure out how. Can you tell her?" I asked him why she wanted to do that and he said "cuz she said real family should be on there and you are just my StepMom". I said that he can't take the photos off of there because Dad told me which ones to put on there and that I will explain that to his mother. He handed me over to her and she said "well I find that hard to believe but whatever". She gave the phone back to SS6 and he said "Ok well I love you Bye". It was so abrupt.

I never thought I'd say this because I saw it on a really cheesy religious commercial in the 90's but "nobody does anything always" or "nobody does anything never". It was talking about the way to communicate effectively in a relationship. Here I am almost 20 years later wanting to preach the same thing. Or stick to that corny advice.