I never deleted my account from my mother's computer, but it was password protected. Well, her computer crashed & for some reason she needed my password. So it's possible that she might come here to snoop, so to avoid trouble - because if I find out she's been snooping around my accounts she & I are going to have a major blowout - I'm having my account & blogs deleted.

This weekend was interesting. First of all, my mother dyed her hair darker... like mine. Then she bought sunglasses... like mine. Since I've moved back I've noticed that she's beginning to dress like me. God help me. I already look just like her... just darker & younger. Now she wants to be twins. This is why I need tequila. Then I told her I wanted to open a second checking account. She told me that the bank didn't allow that. On what planet?! On hers, where if I don't ask for her opinion, advice or approval, she tries to discourage me from it. This is why I need tequila. She's put on weight in the last few months & I've lost weight. For the first time in my life I'm thinner than her. I think it's driving her crazy. This is why she needs tequila. We planned on going to a flea market. I told her I would just meet her there. Then she proceeded to try to convince me to go to her house then go to the flea market. Why? It hit the wrong nerve & I got pissed. She picked up on it & told me I could do what I wanted. I ended the conversation. Then she called me later to give me permission to do what I was going to do anyway. Where's the stinkin tequila!!

This is a really good site & has great references for kids.

http://www.actsofkindness.org/

Got this in an email today.

When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water.

Part of my job requires drafting, which is done on the computer. Yesterday it took me about 5 hours to incorporate about 7 drawings all into one. The problem was that the drawing I was creating had to be to scale, & once I got all the drawings together something was wrong. Things were not lining up right & it was just becoming a huge mess. So this morning I had to scrap all that work & re-do it in 3 hours, then make modifications... all of which had to be done before lunch. Stress anyone?

He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks

To the ladies whose H's won't listen to you, who won't work with you, who totally treat you with disrespect... did you have any inkling that they were like that before you married them?

I had this weird dream that made me remember something my step dad did a long time ago. I'm trying to let it go, but maybe I should just let it out first, so here it goes.

I was going to college & working full time in the evening shift. I had to be at work at 1:00, & work unitl 9:00. My step dad at that time worked as a truck driver for a local company. Sometimes he would cat-tail it to the house for lunch (meaning he had the truck but no load.) Now, the driveway was paved so that about 4 cars could park across the front of the house. One day he came home for lunch & parked the big truck - his work truck - behind all the cars, uncluding my truck. I didn't even notice I was blocked in until I walked outside. I went in & asked him to move his truck & he told me I would have to wait until he was done eating. This is the man that taught me to be responsible & put me down for not being responsible enough. Anyway, the neighbor wasn't home, & it didn't matter, because if he had parked partially in front of her house he still wouldn't have blocked her driveway. Basically, he parked that way deliberately to block me in, & he knew I had to go to work. He knew I would get into trouble. So I tried reasoning with him & when that didn't work I started yelling at him. I yelled at him the whole time he ate (cuz I'm stubborn too) & I was nearly in tears by the time he finished - yes, finished - his food, got his stuff together, got in his truck & went back to work. In the middle of the yelling he told me to start parking my truck in front of the neighbor's house. Not my work truck, my regular truck. I told him why should I park there, I live here?! He said he lived there too & had a right to park his work truck anywhere he pleased.

I’ve had some challenges the past few months that upset me, but what surprised me most was my ability to rebound from them. No matter how down & depressed I feel, I can still find humor in the world & myself. I can still poke fun at my challenges, which makes them seem less… well… challenging. And the reason I noticed this is because when I was feeling my lowest I was still able to laugh at silly things. I was able to feel joy, even in the midst of my sadness.

First of all, I'm not diminishing the impact of this weekend. I was in foster care as a child & just found out. I can now recognize when my mother is doing unhealthy things & I have to learn how to deal with it without it controlling my life. But I found out some news last night that really puts things in perspective.

Who needs it? You know, now that I am older I can see clearly how my mother is creating needless drama for the sake of her being in control. And finding out she let a complete stranger care for me when I was an infant just drives an even bigger wedge between us. I no longer feel guilty for being different than my relatives. Who doesn't want a better life? Why am I the badguy because I got off my ass & worked for it honestly? Why should I be resented for living well? Why should I be put down for being nice & polite? Whatever. I'm glad there is a wedge between us. And I'm glad there is no guilt, because I simply don't care what any of my relatives think of me anymore. I've always been the outsider & I always will be, & I'm fine with it now.

...my mother finally told me that when I was an infant I was in foster care. I knew I was born sick & in the hospital a couple days with my mother there the whole time. Seems I was sicker than I thought. I was in the hospital for about a month & in foster care for another month or so, until I was healthy. So I had a mother, a father, 2 sets of grandparents who were well off, loads of aunts & uncles on my father's side, loads of great aunts & uncles & loads of cousins on my mother's side, all of whom had their lives together, but I had to be given to a stranger until I was 'perfect.' So the thing of my family bailing on me when I needed them the most has apparently gone on longer than I can remember. And this feeling of my needs being an inconvenience to others has a tangible root. It certainly explains a lot.

I'll have limited access to a computer until Wednesday, so I just wanted to wish everyone here a good weekend & for those who celebrate Christmas, have a merry Christmas!

I know this doesn’t have a lot to do with step parenting, but I’ve got to vent. When I moved off to Houston I got away from the people I grew up around & learned to live according to a higher standard. The only problem I ever had over there was that I could not be an individual & that drove me crazy. So I moved back to my hometown area (& also to be closer to my folks to give them a hand… they’re getting old & my mother is disabled.) When I moved back my mother called a lot of people to tell them I was coming back. Well, there were a lot of replies, most of which were rude. There were a couple of people that were glad, but most were just jerks. Whatever. So anyway, I got my stuff moved in & it took a while for me to get settled. Of course no one called, no one offered to help, & those I asked for help were otherwise occupied. I suppose all that work would interrupt their drug taking. Really, that’s so selfish of me to ruin their buzz with my selfish life changing situation, right? (she said sarcastically) So now I am actually settled in. There’s still some work to do but at least it feels more like home now. I had Friday off so I went a few miles out of town to deal with my car… just regular maintenance. I was near some old family friends so I decided to stop by. Now, you have to realize that I was one of the few who went to college, finished college, & lived out of town… in a nice suburb in the big city, no less. I make a lot of money, more than what most of these people make. So I stopped by, because I hadn’t even talked to these people since I moved back & I am not a snob. There was no “Hi! Good to see you! I’m so glad you’re back!” Nope. What did I get? “Sigh. I have no money. I am in poor health & can’t get a job. My trailer (really) is falling apart. I have all these things I need to do so I can take care of my babies & - sigh – I can’t even afford a tank of gas.” I gave her ten bucks & went home.

I just read this & I thought some people could relate to it. I know I can...

It may be hard for you to identify your own abilities without feeling arrogant or self-centered. Try thinking about your resources as gifts. Imagine God supporting you, encouraging you, and giving you the strength to tackle tough problems.