i just got a call from ex bf's 10yr old daughter. she called to say she missed me and she was sad i was gone and she wants me to come back. she said 'we love you here. please come back'. my hear melted. i almost started crying.

while having so much time on my hands, research has become quite the hobby. this excerpt i found both incredibly interesting and scary:

Excerpted from Games Divorced People Play, by Dr. Melvyn A. Berke and Joanne B. Grant.

well it's been a little over a week since i have been online. i have been laying pretty low, trying to mend myself. i gotta say it has been very depressing and quite a shock to be staying with mom at this age. i just found out that i cannot go back to my apartment i had in new york, so now i am kind of stuck here with mom. i am already going crazy. i have been seeing a therpaist while i have been here and it's been incredibly helpful. she helped me to see things from different points of view. and to realize my accountability for the relationship ending the way it did and why past relationships have failed. my emotions i guess are much more intense than most. and it needs to be controlled. and it has sometimes forced my ex bf to shut down, to react in inappropriate ways and hide tings he shouldn't have. clearly his mistakes were far greater thatn mine, but every cause has an effect i guess.

i know i am doing the right thing. pretty much all of these posts were right on. i found out yesterday that he had been hiding a few more conversations with his ex from the past several weeks. so more secrets, more lies. he said he has been afraid of his ex and i finally interacting because she may be cruel and tell me things that he has said, even during my relationship with him. red flag? i think so. some recent conversations with her were even about me / my personal life. also with his kids. the conversations were about information that bm should not know about me. the son seems to think i am taking all his father's money and that's why he wants me to go away. little does he know i had my own business in new york and came with my own money. and that all the furniture he sits his ass on is mine. he'll realize that when he comes to visit this weekend. i was going to take the beds because i bought them too but decided against it.i am sure this is typical for teen age kids to think, but put that in the mix with all the other crap and you have youreslf a nice big recipe for the D word.

bf has been calling me all day crying begging me not to go. he just sent an email saying that his 'needs' were unrealistic and that he proposes the following:

-keeps reversal appointment next week and goes through with it

i have finally decided to move on once and for all. fiance came home tonight from a day at his exe's house with the kids. the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. i knew at that point that we had reached a point of no return. it was a hard decision and i probably should have made the decision a long time ago but sometimes you have to fall in the same hole over and over again to understand you need to walk around it. my only regret is that i gave up too much, my whole life for a man i hardly knew. never again.

so an update from my last blogs - fiance and i had our final talk about if we really want to make this work. we went to a nice dinner friday and he pulls out a list of needs. it went something like this:

so my talk with bf last night did not go so well. he started the conversation by telling me that he lied about a couple of things and that most importantly the phone incident the other night turned into a huge disaster. he tells me that bm heard me telling him 'to get off the phone, tell her we're having dinner' (this is right before i unplugged the phone because i was tired of him yelling at her). so apparently she said 'tell her to f***k off, i can talk to you whenever i want to.'

last night bb called our house for the first time. she usually calls bf on his cell phone because he never gave her the number to our house. so actually she had sd call 411 and get the number and call for her and when i answered the phone, sd asked to speak with her dad. she usually is talkative with me but this time she had no interest. she just asked to speak with her dad.

i am curious to know what life has been for you after you finally threw in the towel? do you miss your exes?

do you feel you made the right decision? do you have any regrets?

what got you to the breaking point? and what did you learn from all of it?

this weekend i broke down and cried for the first time since i have been back. it's ending soccer season and my fiance coaches his 10yr daughter's soccer team. well, saturday was a game and i finally got to go see her play (she has been wanting me to see her play for a while). usually bm is there so i was expecting to see her there. i had only had 2 interactions with her so far - one time i had to pick up sd on my own because my finace was working late. bm was very cordial at that time - i could totally tell it was forced.

since i have been back everything has been greet between fiancee and i - not so great with his ex and the situation with the house (among other things) that has been sitting on and off the market for 2 years now. as stated in a previous post, the house has been a problem for a while. it won't sell, the ex lives in it with her BF (who has no job btw) and the 2 kids.

after 7 months of being angaged and all the ups and downs and work we have both done, we have decided to set a wedding date this week. i am looking for some advice on how to handle it with his kids and lunatic ex (she lost her mind when she found out we got engaged of course). we have had several talks about eloping but i hear from friends,etc that we should really try to include the kids in our wedding plans. i would love doing this but i am still having some issues with his 16yo son. he is very cold and stand offish for the most part (ocassionally he'll open up and get into a conversation with me but not very often). i just know if we sit him down and tell him we finally set a date he may not take the news very well. i know based on what i have heard through sd that he and his mother have had talks of our wedding not happening and that our relationship would end soon, etc.

well i am going back to denver on friday and i think we have made some progress here. my bf has really made strides with his communication, his honesty, his therpay sessions and keeping consistant boundaries with his ex. it's funny, ever since he sent her the email establishing boundaries, he has forwarded me all of the emails including the nasty ones calling him an a**hole and she hated him. we have opened up to eachother more than we ever have. the funny thing is shortly after he set the boundaries and after she sent the nasty emails, her bf showed back up in the picture. she brought him to sd's soccer game last weekend and they went up to my bf and she asked if he will switch a weekend with the kids because hre and bf had something special planned. my bf replied 'i don't think it's a problem but let me check with my fiance to make sure we have nothing going on that weekend either'. that made me feel great!

has anyone ever had any issues with their new hubbies, fiances, bfs and the amount of life insurance granted towards their ex wives in the divorce decree?

i just viewed your responses and they were all helpful but what i really want to know is if you think this is fair: