I haven’t posted in quite awhile. Things have been going pretty decent at my house…so far. DH has been more involved in the parenting process of SD12. He isn’t showing the favoritism that he once did and he’s not parenting out of guilt anymore. So far so good….

I'm so pissed off that my blood is boiling!!! BM or (C U Next Tuesday) was we lovingly refer to her has done it again! About two years ago it was DH's year to get SD11 for the first part of Christmas and BM's for second part....well BM's mother wanted to take the grandchildren to Disney World. Now first I have to ask....how selfish was that of her? At any rate, DH made BM sign an agreement (not through an attorney) that she would give up her next Christmas (which was last year) so that DH could have her. Well this year it was supposed to go back to the regular schedule. She calls DH and says that basically she just signed it to shut him up and so that SD11 could go with her mother and she didn't care that she was going to have her first. I'm so freakin bent out of shape about this!!!

I know that some of you have or have had children with braces or at least know of someone with braces. I’m now in the position that my 12 year old daughter needs braces. She has a unique situation in that she is missing teeth. She has never had them nor will she ever get them. I’ve known this since she was a baby. It is two teeth on bottom and one molar on top. Here’s the two options that I’ve been told about:

Come out come out wherever you are!!!! Has anyone heard from her? I just saw her name and realized I haven't seen her in quite sometime. If you are out there ARE YOU OKAY???

I haven’t blogged in quite some time. I am one of the “lurkers” that are here. I log in while I’m at work and read the blogs and answer them when I feel that I have some sort of input. I don’t always log in to “lurk” but I do log in when I have a comment to make. I have been a member of this wonderful site for 10 weeks. (sidenote: Dawn you are an incredible woman!) When I first came to this site I felt like my entire world was crashing down around me and I had little or no control over it. I was contemplating divorce and I “hated” my SD11 and dreaded her visits. Since that time things have started turning around for me. After SD11 and I had our “moment” the tension started to slowly ease off. We don’t always get along but she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I love her whether I’m mad at her or not. Our relationship has tremendously improved.

This isn't a step issue but I would like a feedback from everyone please. My BD12 needs braces. I have set up consultation appointments at 3 different orthodontists because I don't have ortho on my dental plan so these charges will be paid out of pocket. I'm getting rates from 3 different ones. (sounds like car insurance huh? LOL) At any rate, I've asked the receptionist taking my appointment time what the general range is since they can't give me an exact until they decide on the course of treatment...blah blah blah. They are all telling me anywhere between $4,500 to $6,000 and one even told me $6,000 - $8,000. HOLY SHIT!!!! Is this the going rate? I've never had braces so I don't have a clue but DAMN!

This morning when we dropped the children off at daycare SD11 and I had a "moment". I always get out and hug/kiss each child and tell them that I love them and to have a great day. This morning I hugged SD11 and she hugged me for a little longer than usual and looked up at me and smiled. I hugged her a little tighter than usual and smiled right back at her. I know this is a small accomplishment but it sure has made me feel good all day. Now things could have gone to complete crap with them after I left....but at that moment we were good. I almost hated to post this because I felt like I might jinx the goodness....but I was just too happy not to post it.

Here I am again.

Okay. So I marry my soulmate and move 350 miles away from my family and everything I’ve ever known to a town/state where the only people I know are my husband, my children, my husband’s ex-wife (oh joy) and his family. About 2 years into our marriage DH adopted BS6. At the time BS was 3 years old. He knows nothing of his “sperm donor” and I wish to keep it that way. There were little signs coming up that I should have paid attention to but didn’t or chose not to…I’m not sure which. BD12 was in a cheerleading competition (at the age of 7) and they won first place! I was so excited for her and told her how proud I was. While in the car on the way home DH says “Does it have to be all about BD12? I don’t want to upset SD11”. I said “Are you serious?” and he dropped it. Next a few months later BD12 (who is extremely hyper in the morning as she is ADHD) upset SD11 by not being quiet so SD11 started to cry. (SD was 6 and BD was 7 at the time) DH goes to BD12 and screams in her face “Stay away from my daughter!”. We had a HUGE fight about that one….but again the situation was dropped. At one time he told me that “We need to make SD11 happy because I don’t want her to NOT want to come over here.” I should have said something about that but I didn’t. Along the years SD11 has seen that no matter what I say to her it’s ultimately her dad’s decision to make regarding anything she wants to needs or whatever. He had on several occasions reversed my decisions in front of SD11. She has manipulated BD12 and been mean to her when we weren’t around. She also lies when BD12 comes to us with her issues saying that “she didn’t do it”. I’m not saying that BD12 is a saint by any stretch of the imagination but she would have no reason to lie about some of the stuff she told us.

First of all let me start this blog with a little information about myself. I don’t feel that I have let any of you know who I really am or what my situation is.

I don’t think mine is as bad as I some of you. I applaud you all for having the courage to face some of the situations that you have faced. I’m in awe of you all.

We had a major blow up at our house last night.

When I went to pick the kids up from daycare, the assistant manager at the daycare came to me and said “SD11 is hanging with the WRONG boys here. SD11 and BD12 have been arguing all day. They broke a controller for one of the game systems. SD11 has been following BD12 around.”

I can't believe there weren't any major blow ups. We (BD & myself) did confront DH on Friday about some hitting issues BD12 is having with SD at daycare. DH was "blown away" that these issues were going on. It was only when BD12 started crying and said that she was tired of it that it finally sank in to him. So we (DH & myself) called a "Family Meeting". Here the girls were allowed to air all of their feelings about things without the fear of punishment or judgement. New rules were established that "playing" has gone too far when "STOP" is said. Once this word is uttered one must stop whatever is going on immediately....if not there will be punishment. He told SD11 that hitting would NOT be tolerated at all. DH also expressed his concern to me that he hopes this doesn't turn into a "tattle" session. I'll be honest I don't care if it does....I don't want SD11 hurting BD12 anymore. The rest of the weekend went smoothly. We shopped for school clothes and all was okay.

Well it's come to that time. SD will be home tonight. She took a week's long vacation with her mother. When she left a week ago DH and I had a HUGE argument about her...I mean H-U-G-E argument. That argument sparked my visit to the therapist.

I went to my first therapy session today. I have taken the advice of several on this website and sought therapy. I know that it won't be an overnight fix but I'm certainly glad that I decided to give it a try. I understand that I have issues and the therapist helped shed some light on why SD is acting the way she does. For example, she (SD) sees that I have a relationship with my BKs that she doesn't have with her mother. I know her mother and trust me, she doesn't have that type of relationship with her. Hhhmmm that was food for thought. I hadn't even realized that she could be possibly feeling hurt that she too doesn't have that relationship with her mother so she acts out. The therapist also told me that SD is acting out as a release because she doesn't get the same family values from BM's house as she gets from our house. Once again, it had never occured to me. She also told me of course, as everyone here has already told me, that DH is disciplining (or lack there of) out of guilt. She did tell me that I have a lot of built up anger and needed a release for that. I already knew that to a degree....just didn't know what to do to get rid of it. That one I will most definitely be working on. I also have a very hard time of "detaching" as sweet Anne has suggested....once again...I'll be working on that little trick.

I have just discovered this site and from reading all of the entries.....I'm so glad to know that I'm not alone. I hate it that so many other people are having to go through what I'm going through but I'm still glad that it's not just me.