It feels like an opportunity. The problem is, it could be a positive opportunity to "connect" or it could be a negative opportunity, to once again be the patsy. I feel my other cheek has been turned so often that the bruised from the last slap are still painful. I don't feel like getting smacked AGAIN.

last night sd was miss friendly chatty cathy! we are all friends since her tuition bill came in and i paid it. now she is excited about school which is a nice change.

but last night she was telling us how she had no patience for girls who are irresponsible. what!? It was pretty funny! Dh goes "I ain't saying nthing!" Sd went on about how she at least understood the responsibilities of being a mother! haha What?!? This from the young lady who was planning to pack up her baby and move to a different state with no job and no place to live to be with protoplasm?

I think I attack step-parented the other day. Probably did. (Dealing with SD through spouse in an assertive, but perhaps not thoughtful manner...)

My SD totally played me, and I recognize it now, but she really did get me. The funny thing is, even though she manipulated me, I responded in such a way that DH is paying. She announced that she needed a changing table for the little one, and she was going to go buy a cheap one with the "little bit of money" she had saved.

We had the "chat" this weekend. Interestingly, DH and I are, at the moment, on the same page. I asked SD what was going on, what was all the feet dragging about - and she said she wanted to move back down with Protoplasm.

I am just about beside myself right now, which is probably over reacting, but even so...

I am trying to keep this short, and keep having to delete things. Basically, my SD20 has been living with us for over a year. She came back with the written agreement that she would work, go to school, and care for her baby. (She came back pregnant). The baby is now a little over 10 mos old. She completed a semester of college - that I paid for - at a very expensive online college. At the end of the semester, I discussed with DH and SD, that I would only pay the tuition costs of the local college, which is less than half of the online college costs. That SD could go anywhere, but she had to go, and I would only pay the local prices. In the original agreement, there was nothing about me paying for anything. I just thought that education was so important, I'd put my money where my mouth is.

It's been a while since I posted. Things seemed to be going well... But then again, maybe that is the time to start worrying...

I don't know how I feel at this point. My SD20 had been coming along pretty well. There were ups and downs, but overall, it seemed like things were clicking along. She is (mostly) taking care of her baby. Little one is almost eleven months old and growing like a weed. She is an absolute cutie, but I haven't really had a lot of interaction since my SD seems to be totally threatened by that. (She has literally charged across the room to interpose herself between me and her daughter when I bent down to tickle her.) Since they both live in my house, I sometimes find this rude and disheartening.

I read Mommy2's forum today, and started thinking - what does family mean? I know I understand the feeling of being all alone, sitting on my couch with my DH on one side, my grand daughter on the floor, and my SD sitting next to DH. And, I am alone... that doesn't feel like family.

(YIPPEE) ok, I don't usually post this often, but it was mighty fine last night, and I wanted to put up a tale of success...

(Picture it)
Dinner time.
Dh
SD
GrandDaughter in high chair learning to bang and sing...

But reframing it. It hasn’t been a picnic, but this weekend, I actually felt like something happened. I said no. And, I reframed the no into not “me denying her” but her making a choice. We are starting to get the “baby” excuse for having things the way she wants them. It reminded me of some posts about “I’ll be out in the cold”.

OK - Maybe it is a boundaries issue, I am not really sure. But - I just got a call from my SD's girl friend, who spends a lot of time at our house. In fact - she does more chores than my SD. I've been around and around with both SD and DH on constant issues around this. I like this young lady. She seems to be facing the right way with her feet on the ground. HOWEVER, she is NOT a part of the family, she is NOT allowed to sleep over (no sleep overs allowed for SD under any circumstances). I don't like asking her to do chores, although both my DH and SD seem to think this is perfectly fine. SO - what has happened? MY DH has asked her to run out to the store to get a baking ingredient he needs to make something for a family gathering tomorrow - to which she is not invited. She just called me to get more information because she can't find the thing he requested. Am I just weird? I feel a little like I was punched in the stomach! What is MY HUSBAND doing asking a 20 year old, friend of his daughter's to run out to the grocery store for him???

I have a 20 y/o SD with a 5 m/o baby. She came to live with us almost a year ago - when she found out she was preggo. So, it has been a looonnnngggg haaaarrrddd year. The rules were she has to be employed and in school to stay. She has abided by both, although I am paying the tuition.

I am SO grumpy today, my SD left to visit the "other" grandparents with her little newborn daughter last Thursday. I was really looking forward to it! I know it is horrible, but my house had become a place of personal dread. Ever since baby arrived, SD has been rude, whiney, and LAZY!! DH has been totally supportive of - well - you guessed it - SD. It had been getting on my last nerve. I've been trying to keep communication lines open, but it has been a little weird. DH went marching through the house last week announcing that SD was the best mom on the face of the planet. (WHAT??? Where the heck did that come from? Best Mom on the Face of the Planet? Doesn't get out of bed before noon, lives in a pig sty of a room, has only been a mom for three weeks, WHAT???) not that she isn't a good mom, for an unwed,destitute teenager, with no place to live, couldn't afford medical care, that doesn't help around the house, and is pissy about house rules. But she might be a really good mom - in time. She won't sign baby daddy up for CS, because it would be "inconvenient" for him right now - as he doesn't have a job... mmmmm..... YEAH? Inconvenient? I am grumpy - but that ticks me off NO END! Inconvenient. Boy oh boy...

It has been a while since my last post, and now - it is a whole new world... There is a new baby in this new world, a beautiful little girl. She is three weeks old today. On Friday, her mother (my SD) is packing her up to drive her five hours to "visit" her bf and his parents. They should be back in about a week or so. Wow.

Ok - so, I am a mean ogre. I know and accept this now. I also recognize that my family has a warped sense of humor in some things, and I usually keep it to myself. One of our rules growing up was that we had to bleed outside. People heal, rugs don't. As a result, getting hurt is not so much a big production with me as a thing to deal with and move on...

So - I am working through this. DH got a job. He has started paying his share again. That is all good. But darn it. I am feeling alone again.

The good news - today I found out I don't have breast cancer! Yeah Team! Always good news. (My sister had it, my Grandmother died of it, and one of my Aunt's had it.) They found a spot on the mammogram, I had to go in for follow up. I told my DH, and said - PLEASE - don't say anything, and specifically, please don't discuss this with SD. (Preggo SD, now 20, living with us, due any day - I think of her as The Belly - which she likes to parade around the house uncovered and available for all to view.) I don't know if this is odd or not - but The Belly's mom always shared all medical issues - a total hypochondriac. The day we picked her up to come live with us - BM was off getting pain shots for her back. She showed up as we were leaving completely stoned from the pain killers. I wanted to hurl. What a complete looser.