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How important is stability?

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this is what I am pondering today.  I haven’t posted in awhile, just come to accept that BM is nuts but Ss13 and Ss11 still love her and need her.  But it did come to me today that DH and I are clearly the stable house house and the kids rock/safe place, yet they still want/desire to be with her.

here is her track record in the 8 years DH and I have been together:

She is on her 2nd husband.

They just moved for the 3rd time.

My brother recently acquired a massive amount of debt

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Because of his daughter who is months away from turning 18. It's more than he can handle and he claims the mother has just as much from their other child. The daughter had a run in with the law, drug issues, had to have rehab, court cost ect.

Since she help create this debt can he transfer some of it to her when she turn 18? I know it's a shady thing to go but since getting out she is starting to go back to her old ways so the lesson was not learned.

Thoughts? Advice for my brother?

Update on my last post - BM still confused

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It not dangerous by any means but it annoys me when things don't make sense and it's hard on the boys (ages 9 and 11) when things don't happen the way BM says they will.

Original post: https://www.steptalk.org/node/231493

Today we dropped the boys off and BM announced that she took the whole day to pickthe boys up next Tuesday (our week to have them) to take the to the school open house and then take Ss11 to confirmation at her chruch.

What do you do when you think there may be something wrong with BM?

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Like seriously mentally wrong?

She has always been a little out there but lately it's like getting worse. She is forgetful (what mom isn't some days?). But she forgot a few appointments, I texted her to come get something and she said she'd be over after a meeting that 'shouldn't take long' then texted me 3 hours later! Wanting to know if we were still home. She gave ss9 a pink round thing, ss11 thinks it was pepto, for a sore throat.

BM did SS9's homework for him and he turned it in for a grade.

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She wasn't even smart enough to have SS9 re-write it in his own handwriting. DH is beyond mad mainly because she is teaching him that it is okay to lie and cheat. What would/did you do in this situation?

DH found the graded paper in SS9's folder yesterday, I saw it to but waited for DH to handle it. SS9's hand writing is awful and almost unreadable but this was nice and neatly written. He asked SS9 who wrote it and added that he knew it wasn't him. SS9 hesitated to answer kept saying "m". When we finally got the truth out of him it went like this.

I feel for BM but I don't think she realizes her lose

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Ss9 continues to want little to nothing to do with BM. It's EOW custody and Ss9 continues to go there I think mostly out of guilt but jumps at every opportunity to be else where.

I think BM is justifying it by flaunting that ss7 still wants her but he is 7 and completely brain washed still by her as was ss9 at that age. She also blames a busy work schedule yet having no money on them not doing anything on her weekends.

Do some people get stupider with age?

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I thought as we go through life and experiance things we get smarted but apparently BM works in reverse.

Just a few gems from her this week.

- a month ago DH asked BM if he could take Ss9 to the family hunting shack opening day (which falls on her weeked) he explained that he went with his dad starting at age 9. She agreed since ss9 is really into hunting right now. She called Monday to tell DH that Ss7 (the younger brother) didn't want to go to the Huron shack so she was going to keep him. Ss7 wasn't invited! He is not old enough!

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