I'm starting to wonder. SS8 hasn't been to our house the whole summer. the last time we saw him was the first week of July at DH parents house. I've tried calling but BM wont answer her phone. Even the week at DH was off of work and was home he called every day, DH got SS8 for one afternoon and took him to a football game. Ok i get it that DH is rarely home, but I do think it's important to SS and DD spend time together. She's only 16 months. It takes time for a bond to form, and if she never see him I don't think it's going to happen. I got a chance to talk to my cousins this weekend, who also live in blended familys, but they are the "kids" in the family. And they told me that they really feel no connection to their brother who they only see a couple times a month, who is 8 years younger. But feel like siblings to their other brother who is 10 years younger but see all the time. I don't know how to get this across to BM, I think she's doing it on purpose so that they don't bond. Cuz in her mind, we aren't SS family.

Ok it's been a while since I was on here, But I have a lot to Vent. SS7 is suppose to come here every Friday at 6 to Sunday till 6. But his dad works out of town. I've been pretty nice about BM keeping SS for the weekends while DH was gone. But when I had enroled SS in karate, I checked like 6 times with her, when I was thinking about it, when I found a good class, checked the dates with her 2 times, when I was on my way to enrole him, and the day after I ernroled him, to ensure that he would be able to make all the classes. Well he wnet to two classes, then he had to "go out of Town" with BM boyfriends mother. After wards I find out that he was in town, but BM wasn't. We find that out on the long weekend in May. BM had broken down in the states somewhere (this was sunday on the long weekend) (we live in Alberta) So DH says, sucks to be you, I'll keep SS for the week while your out of town. BM says no, my boyfriends mother is coming to look after him. After many arguments about it, and many tears from SS becasue he wanted to stay with us, he had to go back to his mothers. We later find out that she's been gone for 3 weeks. So SS can't come here when DH is gone, but has to say at her house when she's not there? not really understanding that.

So our first session went well. We were give a few things to work on our own. Therapist suggest that DH stay at his parents for longer than a week. So he will be there for the rest of the month. This will give us time to refocus. But on Sunday we have a "family dinner'" date with SS and DD. We have also talked to BM (vaguly) that we have having marital problems and are attending coucinling and it might be beiffecall for SS to come with us. BM said very clearly NO. Unfortanally I think SS needs it. He probably needs someone to talk to. I know that some things have happend in BM house, as well as our house. Plus a situation with a babysitter when he was 4 and at his BM house. (Even at that time BM wouldn't allow SS see a councler). The therapist we are seeing is only open durning the week, we only have SS on the weekends.

So DH came home yesterday afternoon. We where able to talk calmly about what happened. And have decided to attend counciling, both couple, and indivually. DH has also agreed to start going back to his CA meetings, and I'm going back to Allon meetings.

Ok, so I'm so lost. DH just left with SS. We where watching a movie last night, I was feeding DD, and she spit up on me. I asked DH to get me a cloth to clean up. He said yeah in a minute. I go mad. Cuz thats what he does, just lays on the couch and watches tv. So I called him lazy and to get up, i was covered in milk. Well in turn he called me a C***. I hate that word, and he used to call me it all the time. So I smacked him. (Probably not the smartest thing) But I did. I had DD in my arms, when DH gets mad he gets really mad. So i tried to get up as quickly as I could do get upstairs. But he was too quick, and threw a beer bottle at me, while I was holding DD. So DD got coverd in beer. I tried to get away, but he pushed me down. I finally got away. I went up stairs to clean up DD. But had to come back down stairs to get a diaper. I left DD upstairs, who was crying hysaracally. I didn't say anything, but as I was heading back up the stairs, he threw something at my back, and cornered me against the window. (SS was in the room for all this he was crying too). I was finally able to get upstairs and calm DD down, and get her all cleaned up.

So if you're not up to date on my situation. last weekend SS7 had called saying he hates coming here and is mom siad she not going to send him if he doens't want to come. So DH all week (SS is on winter break) I asked DH call see if we can get him for some of the holidays. DH was like I don't want to fight with BM. if SS doens't want to come thats fine. I'm like whatever. So last night DH calls BM, and asked to pick up SS tongith at 6 (court ordered vistiation) she says only if he wants to. So DH beggs to talk to SS on the phone and beggs him to come over. I'm just like this is ridiuculus! So supposeable he doens't want to come over cuz he has to do chores, and watch his sister, and can't watch what he wants on TV. Ok, we ask SS7 "keep and eye on your sister while I go to the bathroom, check the roast, get the mail, etc...) Really quick short things, maybe like one or two times a day. He also has home reading to do every day, so if DD is in a good mood, then we will get SS to read to her, then show her the pictures, and explain the story to her. We might to this once a week. Once I asked him if he would watch her while I cleaned the bathroom. Which is right down the hall, and it took me 10 mins, and I came out and to check on them every couple mins. And I paid him $5. Is that so wrong? And I think by 7 he should be able to do certain chores. he has to dry the dishes two nights (he's here for 3), sweep the floor, and take the clothes out of the drier. Plus clean his room everynight before bed, and make his bed in the morning. Is this too much for the average 7 year old? I'm not changing my TV rules in my house. Who would let their 7 year old watch family guy, trailer park boys, Robot chicken, his fav movie is jackass and stuff like that. Well BM thats who. Like oh my god! garbage in garbage out! But in my house, we watched treehouse, YTV, and then I subscrbed to the discovery kids channel. I think that's good stuff for kids.

So dh just called me from work. SS7 had called him crying. he said he doesn't want to come here anymore. that he's unhappy and all dh does is lay on the couch. and that he never wants to come back. this is totally untrue. he is always happy here. we had a great christmas. we even had a big christmas party on saturday with my family, where he got a bunch of gifts. my family treats him just like one of there own grandkids. BM said she not going to spend him if he's unhappy. but i'm like what? BM's mom is in town, and shes a complete bi***. so we are thinking this is a big show for her. but this is just horible to do to a little boy.

So last week, DH went to pick up his tickets for SS7 Christmas concert. While he was there the kids where just going to lunch, so he asked to see SS. Well I guess SS told his mom that DH was at the school.

I'm going to sound like a bitch, but for right now that's ok. In reading some replies, I hate hearing they are just kids, your the grown up. In here I vent things that I would never say to DH, SS, DD or BM.

We have been thinking of moving, and having a nother baby in a few months. So this has been causing aurgments with DH. I figured we could get a three bedroom house and use on room for DD on room for new (hopefully) baby. no way we can afford a 4 bedroom. then set up SS almost 8 in the basment as long as it's devopet. When i wasd a kid i always wanted my own space and ussally got the basment. i thought it was cool. But DH says no that bio kids can share a room and SS can have a room all to him self. i would set up the basment really good. like my folks did. using room dividers for walls, a nice throw rug and stuff like that. I don't agree with kids sharing rooms if it can be avoided.

So DH is home for this weekend. So he calls bm to get ss7. She says that he has a soccor game saturday morning and we can meet her there. DH says he'll take hom to soccer, she says no. So he doesn't want to argue, he says fine.

Ok so for the past few months DH has been working out of town, he comes home about once a month. So my question is, should SS7 still be coming for his weekend visitation? He has his little sister here, and I like having him here, most of the time. On occasion I will request not to take him, or just for one night, like when DD is sick, or stuff like that. But often BM will say he's not coming cuz DH isn't home. So I was just wondering what everyones take on this is.

Ok, so we pay almost 400 a month is child support for ss7. DH and I have a 5 month old baby (so money is always tight.) So my question is, how much other stuff are we suppose to provide, like I mean we pay the 400, and BM asked us to buy all the back to school clothes and the school fee, and stuff like that. So what are we suppose to provide? Should that be in the child support order, should we get it put in?? I'm reluctant to buy extra stuff, well except for like clothes when he need them, or occasional things if that makes any sence. Or spliting the cost with her. But really?? On our end we aren't that well off, but on her end she is, big house, new car, etc. We rent, drive a used van, that my folks bought for us for $500. and $400 is a lot of money to us.

So the "boys" went camping. It makes me mad that every time I try to talk to DH about this he gets all upset. He thinks I'm trying to keep him doing things with his son. But it;s not that. I just don't think it's fair that every weekend there has to be something special planned for SS. Why do we have to bwend over backwards to make sure his weekend are do dam special. While durning the week it just the same old thing. It like come the weekend me and our daughter get ignored. Nothing special is planned for DD. Right now, she doesn't know what;s going on, but soon she'll realize that on the weekend her dad has mroe importnat things to do. I know I sound like a bitch... but it's fustrating. Like how hard would it be to do things as a family. Like just go out for the day or something. Ug, I'm just upset.

Well DH is planning a camping trip with SS this weekend. But because it's tent camping, the baby and I can't come (it will be too cold) Last weekend, they went on an all day fishing trip. I'm just feeling really left out.